I was talking with Mark the other night about adventures in riding the MAX train. And how naturally rude people are these days. We live in a world where an electronic woman has to tell us over the speakers that old, crippled people probably need to sit more than able bodied teenagers. Then THAT has to be followed up by a Spanish speaking dude to reiterate. How sad.
I’ve created a list of conduct rules for the MAX, since apparently we can’t figure out how to be polite on the MAX with our own judgment anymore. If it helps, you can read this as the MAX lady, then follow it up as the Spanish dude.
Code of conduct for the Max Train
1. PDA should be kept at a five foot range minimum. Anything closer and you’re forcing someone to be a part of a ménage a trios. It's menage a trios RAPE. Young love is cute until you’re close enough that I can smell you.
2. One bag on the seat next to you is sufficient enough evidence that you don’t want to be sat next to. Please keep your legs down. The MAX seats are not couches and most adults have stopped using their legs to save spots after the third grade.
3. When offering your seat to someone, and that someone declines to sit, don’t follow that up with calling them any names. Not only is this rude, but takes away any of the good deed you were attempting in the first place. In a mathematical sense, if you get 1 golden star in good manners when offering your seat… you get negative 10 stars for calling them a name afterwards. That’s negative NINE gold stars, folks!
4. Please do not sing along with the music in your iPod. Really. It’s weird and awkward to anyone in a listening distance.
5. If you regularly use the MAX, please be sure to bathe. Especially if you ride a crowded MAX. Also, one spray of cologne/perfume is MORE than enough. It’s only a matter of time before you’re standing next to a newly preggo woman who can’t stomach the smell. Trust.
6. For those who love attention and must speak loudly and rudely so that people will give them the side-eye, there’s better ways to get attention. No one is impressed. They are just mildly annoyed.
7. If a person has headphones on and is playing with their phone and reading a book – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TALK TO THEM. They are not interested in ANYTHING you have to say**
**Unless that something you say is offering some sort of cash prize.
I’ve been riding the MAX for about two weeks now. These are just the things that have been obnoxiously apparent. I’ll probably add more to the list as I become a seasoned MAX rider…
seasoned max rider here! and i love/hate it. i actually like bus more because it's driver regulated. i usually stand to/from work on the train, i try to work on my balance in standing, plus it's easier to get off the train when standing next to the door or getting a whiff of fresh air when the doors open. wait until the summer. it gets better.
ReplyDeletethere's too many things to add to the list, you'll see!
this morning's story: guy staring at me at bus stop. guy kept turning around in seat on bus. guy asks if he can sit by me (me with earphones in & emailing on BB). noncommittal response from me. and he keeps turning around until i get off at my stop. you'll spy lots of interesting characters on public transport.